Lately I've been wondering how I got to where I am?
I know that I have participated fully in the decisions involved, but it still feels a bit surreal none the less... So, I decided to break it down and see if I could find a reason or (even perhaps a pattern) as to why I was feeling so disconnected to my life. It turns out, there is definitely a pattern there.
Just like the ripples in the sand on the floor of the ocean, my repeated behaviors and decisions have created a pattern in my life. These patterns, called Samskaras in Sanskrit are the concept of imprints left on the subconscious mind by experience. This can be a good or a bad thing. Lets just say I have a "habit" of undervaluing my dreams and desires over those closest to me. That's not always a bad thing given that the world doesn't revolve around me, but it becomes a bad thing when I do it so often that I stop connecting with my own intuition.
The trick is to create new "habits" so a whole new set of imprints will be in place. I started by learning to say "no, that doesn't work for me" when necessary. It's been an eye opening experience, knowing that there have been so many times that I should have said it in the past. Though it was scary at first, fearing I may upset or offend, I've been able to take a moment and consider my dreams and desires before just going along with whatever will maintain status quo.
Sometimes there are big issues, when a simple "no, that doesn't work for me" won't suffice and compromise is a must. It's those times that I need to work on the most. Compromise is a concept of finding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms—often involving variations from an original goal or desire. Not giving in because you feel your goal or desire isn't as valuable. Again, I will take a moment and consider the value of my dreams and desires before just going along with whatever will maintain status quo.
That is how I'm going to reconnect with my intuition and my life. One moment and one decision at a time.
