decisions, decisions. - March 2012

Lately I've been wondering how I got to where I am?


I know that I have participated fully in the decisions involved, but it still feels a bit surreal none the less... So, I decided to break it down and see if I could find a reason or (even perhaps a pattern) as to why I was feeling  so disconnected to my life. It turns out, there is definitely a pattern there.


Just like the ripples in the sand on the floor of the ocean, my repeated behaviors and decisions have created a pattern in my life. These patterns, called Samskaras in Sanskrit are the concept of imprints left on the subconscious mind by experience. This can be a good or a bad thing. Lets just say I have a "habit" of undervaluing my dreams and desires over those closest to me. That's not always a bad thing given that the world doesn't revolve around me, but it becomes a bad thing when I do it so often that I stop connecting with my own intuition. 


The trick is to create new "habits" so a whole new set of imprints will be in place. I started by learning to say "no, that doesn't work for me" when necessary. It's been an eye opening experience, knowing that there have been so many times that I should have said it in the past. Though it was scary at first, fearing I may upset or offend, I've been able to take a moment and consider my dreams and desires before just going along with whatever will maintain status quo.


Sometimes there are big issues, when a simple "no, that doesn't work for me"  won't suffice and compromise is a must. It's those times that I need to work on the most. Compromise is a concept of finding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms—often involving variations from an original goal or desire. Not giving in because you feel your goal or desire isn't as valuable. Again, I will take a moment and consider the value of my dreams and desires before just going along with whatever will maintain status quo.


That is how I'm going to reconnect with my intuition and my life. One moment and one decision at a time.

Sometimes daydreaming is something more...

It feels like I am always daydreaming. As it turns out, even while daydreaming my mind is busy at work; coming up with all sorts of ideas. Some crazy, some feasible. This fact doesn't give me much solace from the fear that I am destined to be an ever procrastinating airhead to the rest of the world. How can I appear to be "normal" when all of this work is going on at all times in the background of my mind? Better yet, do I really even care to appear "normal" at my age?

Hmmm... there my mind goes again! Anyway, sometimes I just have to let my mind have it's way with me ;) Okay, I'm back.

I always wanted to be creative. Actually, I have always thought of myself as a creative person trapped in the shell of this "type a" personality. When I was young it was all about creating barbie clothes out of the old dress up clothes my mother gave my sister and I. Then when I became a little older, baking became a serious interest, then I wanted to learn to knit, crochet, and sew like my mother. Unfortunately, as a young person I had the attention span of a gnat so most projects were short lived. As I've gotten older there have been a few constants in my life; Yoga, baking, beading, jewelry making, and knitting).

Yoga has been the most fulfilling constant. Even as I find myself being pulled away from it by other endeavours, usually while trying to do what others expect of me, it's still there in the background of my mind, just waiting to have the chance to be centre stage once again. Why have I not realized by now that this is a sign? More importantly, why did it take me so long to realize that this sign means  I am not destined to be an ever procrastinating airhead after all? Perhaps it means I am destined to share my passion for Yoga and other creative projects!


Namaste

January 2012

A whole new year...

December came and went as quickly as I could bat my frosty eyelashes! I really enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the holidays and now I am ready to focus on this new year.

It seems many people don't buy into the whole "New Year's Resolution" thing. I for one, see the new year as an opportunity to organize my many thoughts and dreams and to create a plan that will bring me closer to realizing my best life. Reflecting on the year that has past and on how many of my goals were accomplished and not spending  much time worrying about the ones that didn't come to pass is the first part on my process. I simply reflect on why they didn't and whether or not is was a realistic goal and one that I should try again this year. Then it's on to corraling all of those thoughts and dreams and the business of creating my new list of goals and desires.

With that said, as it turns out I had a few goals/desires last year that for many reasons weren't realized. I've decided that they are important to me none the less and I will be adding them to the list for 2012. Because my list is comprised of things that I feel will help to make me a better version of myself, I find this process an exciting one. 

I won't bore you with my entire list of goals for 2012, but I will share a few of the main ones:
~to teach more and learn more
~to be more kind to others and myself
~to do one thing that scares the crap out of me (haven't pinpointed this one yet)

So there you have it. I hope that you will take some time to reflect on where you've been and create a plan to get to you one step closer to your best life! Whether or not you believe in new year's resolutions isn't the point. 

Namaste